We cannot give away what we don’t have.

When New Year rolls around, one of the things I like to do is reflect on the past year and plan for the new year. This year I was thinking about what I’d like to do and I had an epiphany…I cannot give away what I don’t have.

Here’s the thing. 2020 was hard for me and 2021 was even harder. It drained me… physically, emotionally, relationally, mentally. I was coming to the end of 2021 on a wing and a prayer. I had nothing to give because I was empty. The past two years of my life, like many of yours, was completely flipped upside down. I lost 4 people very important to me in the course of these 2 years and my life looks completely different than it did a couple of years ago. Some of it due to my own choices and some of it due to outside circumstances. But, for the most of these past two years, I have felt like my heart has been taken out of my chest and broken into pieces.

I am fully resting in the promise that the Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. He heals the broken hearted and binds up our wounds. Praise!

As I started to think about 2022 and started to make plans, I realized that I didn’t have much to give away. I was EMPTY. Worn down. Tired. I had lost my gumption (as one of my dear friends puts it).

So, I decided that it’s time to take care of me. Obviously feeling empty meant there were needs I had that I was not meeting. And just as I was thinking this, a verse popped out at me during my morning time I spend with Jesus…

“To acquire wisdom is to love yourself; people who cherish understanding will prosper.” Proverbs 19:8

Now I’ve always been one to pray for wisdom and understanding from the Lord. But this verse…to acquire wisdom is love yourself. I really started thinking and praying about this. I then realized that as Christians, we’ve got self love mixed up with self worship!!

I think we make excuses not to love ourselves because one, we don’t want to fall into that entire self-worship trap. You know, the people who only care about themselves and only focus only on themselves. Second, we’re lazy people and we gravitate to the excuses of why we “can’t” do the hard work to care for our own self. Sometimes the excuses are busyness, no time, not having resources, not having money…

I started digging at what the bible said about true self love:

“No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.” Ephesians 5:29

And this verse points right to the heart of self love:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind, this is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39

We see three components here; love God, love your neighbor, and love yourself. All three need to be present if we want to live a healthy, balanced, satisfying life (not perfect or without trouble). And you’ll see that if these three components are in balance, we will overflow with God’s awesome love and we can share that overflow with others. We need to love God and our neighbor with the same energy we love ourselves. This is the balanced life!

Do you notice though, that if you don’t take care of yourself; spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, you don’t have the overflow needed to give away? You might find it harder to care for others. And when we try to give from a place of empty, we only have empty to give away. If we don’t have energy, we can’t give our energy to others. If we don’t have love, how can we give it away? If we don’t have peace, we’re not going to be peaceful in dealing with others. If we don’t have strength, how can we be strong for those who need us to be?

Self love is not selfish!

I don’t ever see in the Bible where it says that! Actually I see self love, or as some call it, self care, as a very Godly thing.

Jesus himself (who is my favorite to imitate), practiced good self love. We see him take time to be alone when he needed it. We see him accepting help from others, allowing them to care for him. Jesus met his needs when he was hungry and thirsty. He asked for help from friends in his darkest times of need. He even instructs us to come to Him for rest, knowing we’ll need it. He tells us His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Jesus was never selfish but is the perfect example of how to have self love AND care for others.

We also see Paul telling Timothy at one point to care for his physical body when he didn’t feel well (1 Timothy 5:23).

One thing I often see in others and myself is, we ignore our own good advice. If a friend came to you describing what you’re feeling and what is going on, what would your advice be to her? Would you tell her to do what you’re doing? Take care of you like you would advise a good friend to do.

Let’s take responsibility for our own needs by showing ourselves self love. Then we can act from a position of fullness, wholeness, overflowing-ness. We will feel better and become better at caring for others, loving others, and helping others. And that is not self-worship, but love coming from the fullness of the Father!

So, when I realized I couldn’t give away what I didn’t have, I decided 2022 would be the year I worked on self love, so I could be so full in order to fill others. I don’t want to be too busy to care for me. If I don’t have time to spend with God, to exercise, to make delicious healthy meals for me and my family, to mentally recharge, to grow personal relationships, then I am too busy!

I can’t give away what I don’t have, so it’s time to start doing my part of loving myself so I can better love others.

My personal goals:

• Spend more time with Jesus… spend time loving Him with all I have and being in His word (which is Him). Because knowing Him is what matters most. He’ll give me everything I need to the job I was called to do. And I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength.

• Focus on my physical health. I’m focusing on eating for my hormonal health and how to ultimately heal my body through nutrition.

• Regularly exercising. Not too much, but just what my body needs.

• Making time for intimate relationships that will bring life. I had to make a decision about those relationships I would invest in and carefully put boundaries up as needed.

• Doing things I love for my mind.

• And, surrounding myself with wise counsel… it’s so so good!

And maybe 2022 will be the year I can give away so much more than I ever imagined!!

Blooming Challenge: Evaluate where you are. Overflowing or empty, or maybe in-between? Make changes as needed so you are overflowing with Him.

Encouraged reading:

Proverbs 19:8

Ephesians 5:29

Matthew 22: 37-39

1 Timothy 5:23

Matthew 11:28-30

2 Peter 1:3

Philippians 4:13

Psalm 34:18

Psalm 147:3

Any of the gospels to see just how Jesus lived.